The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
