I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
