My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
