do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
