ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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