If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
