it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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