I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
