Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
