I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
