just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What happened to fro yo and sex?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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