Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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