my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
