hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
