i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
