Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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