capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
