garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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