he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
