the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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