after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
