Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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