hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
