Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
