Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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