How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
