Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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