I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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