it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
