I didn't shave. On purpose
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
