I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
