Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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