just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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