Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
