She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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