I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
