I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
