I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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