is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
