like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
