Apparently you make a good broom.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
