Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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