Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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