im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
