Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
false alarm. still invincible.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
