Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
