Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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