You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
