Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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