Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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