how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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