Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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