Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
