someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I didn't shave. On purpose
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
