Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
