It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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