Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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