i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
