i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
