you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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