i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
