The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
