I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
