clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
