are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
