Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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