Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
