omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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