It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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