my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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