a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
