i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
