I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
