My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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