i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
