Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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