I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
