Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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