he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
