I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
