During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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