I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
