how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
